03/02/20 16:30
You’re Too Old to be Ministering to Teens!
I remember when I turned forty years old. I was still a youth minister at the time and just a few months past from taking a group of teens to World Youth Day in Toronto. The kids wanted to wish me a happy birthday and so they went into the parish office and grabbed the lettering for the sign that was positioned on the road as people drove by the parish. On the sign, they spent a good portion of the day, spelling out the words: “Lordy, Lordy, Jim Minor’s Forty!” It was such an endearing thing that they did, and I was thinking to myself that day they must feel I am ancient. But knowing those teens, it wasn’t a comment on the fact that I was old, but that even though I was forty, I could still relate to them.
Well it is seventeen years later and while I am no longer the parish’s youth minister, I still spend a good portion of my week ministering to youth of all ages. So naturally, for some, youth and adult alike, it begs the question once again, “How can you still be relatable to them so many years later?” I mean, “Lordy, Lordy, I am fifty-seven!”
I can point to three things that I think still allow me to fit into their world and why I still have not lost my right to be heard by them. The first is wisdom. With age comes a certain amount of wisdom and because I am unlike other older figures in their lives, they really do take my advice and words into consideration. While they might not follow that advice, they do look at me and listen to what I have to say. There are certain experiences of teens now that are the same types of experiences I had as a young adult and as a teenager myself. For example, being able to fit in and be liked by your peers is something I struggled with and teenagers today still struggle with. As a matter of fact, one of the activities I do with our 8th graders on their “Freshman Survival” retreat is speak to them about my struggles with Freshman year. Inevitably the teens come back and tell me a few months later that I was spot on with many of my observations. With this wisdom, I am also very aware of not being preachy and letting them come to their own conclusions about growing up. But part of the wisdom that I can share with them, is that I will let my voice be heard when it is necessary.
The second is empathy. I never forget what it was like for me and my friends to navigate being a teenager. The teenage years weren’t so difficult for me, because I was confident in myself. I certainly had my share of challenges, but I knew myself and wasn’t afraid to stand up for what was right. But I also empathized with them. I saw, observed and never forgot what it was like for them. I still have those conversations and am not afraid to share a story or an experience with them. Empathy involves a lot of feelings and again those feelings can be universal. For example, even though I only had one girlfriend in high school, I remember what it was like wanting to spend every waking minute with her. This was before smart phones and computers where the only time you spent was either talking on the phone (which meant sitting in the kitchen for me) and seeing her face to face. Again, a common experience. So, I never forget those feelings. That’s empathy and the young people I minister to can see that when I tell my stories and experiences.
Finally, there is the power of prayer. I pray for these young people- everyday, as I have prayed for them for many years. They know it too, because I never fail to remember those who might be struggling. I never fail to mention about them taking care of one another, of helping a friend and watching out for those of them who are on the outside or different. So, my prayer is never one of just words. It’s action too.
I hope, by this article you can see that all of us can be relevant when it comes to young people. We can all impart wisdom, empathize with them and most importantly, pray for them. What this means many times is not just looking at them as the future of the Church (as if they will inherit it when we’re done with it) but that they are the Church- just as much part of it as you and me. So, go out there and be relevant. Young people need it now more than ever.